It was been a great while since I have been here. I have been active, as you can see from my IG account. (That is if you follow me there.) This past summer has changed how we homeschool around here. Or more accurately, it has changed how I do homeschool around here.
The month of July of this year was a heavy month for me. My elderly father Antonio fell asleep in his office chair on July 3rd. Which on it’s own is not unusual. What was unusual, was that on this day just before lunch, he fell forward out of his chair. His Bible reading desk broke his fall, not to mention his nose and cut his eye lid open. My little papa cried out for my brother Rene, his secondary caregiver to my mother, and the one that can lift my father. My brother was in shock to see the sight of my papa covered in his own blood. The bleeding just won’t stop. My brother with such love in his heart wanted to carry my papa to his car and drive him to the emergency room, but he knew he needed help and decided to call 911. Admittingly, we are a family that struggles through the uncomfortable, without asking for help. Even though we really want to ask, we just don’t. But thankfully my brother did this day.
It was from this day on that my father’s 94 year old body decided, this is to much. It was only able to maintain through the grace of God. I couldn’t heal from this, cried his body! Lord help! The rest for the month, was a testament to this. My father’s slow decline to meet his Maker. I spend every day of July visiting my father. Praying, singing, crying, holding his hands, rubbing his head, holding and savoring every moment I had left with him.
July in my family has always been a busy month with birthdays, starting with my mother’s on the 12, My brother Joseph Luis on the 13, mine on the 24th, and my brother Carlos on the 25th. These birthdays passed rather quietly. This year was my mother’s mile stone birthday, she turned 80. As I this year, turned 40. The age my mother was when she had me. So there was some smiles and laughter, but a great layer of sadness as well.
On July 24th, my birthday, while visiting my father, I gave him my permission to go home with the Lord. Oh, how I wish I could keep him, but he was not mine to keep. I needed to make sure he knew that, and that I love him. My brother Carlos’s birthday passed just as quiet as mine. then on the 26th of July, my papa went home with Jesus.
July was a month of just surviving, I couldn’t hold a thought, I couldn’t make a plan, I just plain couldn’t. I the person who loves to cook, to bake, to paint, I just couldn’t do any of those things. What got me through this month was prayer, singing praises to my Lord and running!!! Running was huge. It was mentally cleansing. It healed my body during the grieving process.
Through this, I realized I needed to stop being busy. I need to focus on what the Lord has put on my plate and not stretch myself thin. I need to be emotionally and mentally present and available with my kids. I need to not have my mind set elsewhere, ready to move on to the next thing. Which would make me neglect the true needs of my children. So simple, yet so difficult to conclude, when one is so busy doing everything outside of the home. So this year, my entire schooling is home based, surrounded by my kids interests, as it should be. I am also listening to what I need. Which is huge!!! The month of July was incredibly eye opening. I have learned how important running is to my mental well being, as well as the physical. I have also come to discovered how much I crave spending time in God’s creation. How much I need to stop and just breath in that crisp morning air. To stop and lift my voice to the Almighty and praise!
I admit, this place I stand now is foreign. I am still getting use to it. But this is where I need to be. The Loss of my father helped bring me to where I needed to be. Blessed be the God my Father to use the death of my father to bring me to this place. A place of rest, a place to just be.
You will see how this all reflects on this new season in life through future posts.
“Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.” Proverbs 16:3
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8